Sex is an important part of marriage. It helps to foster a strong, intimate connection between you and your partner, and it’s something only the two of you share.
What constitutes a healthy sex life can differ from person to person. Some couples are perfectly content to have sex a few times a month, while others do it a few times a week.
If you’re reading that and feeling a pit in your stomach because it’s been so long since you last had sex with your partner, don’t worry.
People like to talk about the “spark” dying in a marriage. However, a sexless marriage is something completely different. It usually indicates that there’s something deeper going on. But, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed, and it’s absolutely something that can be repaired.
Let’s take a look at exactly how you can rebuild a sexless marriage and find passion and intimacy with your partner again.
Talk About Sex
One of the best things you can do to deal with a sexless marriage is to talk about it. Often, it’s a lack of communication that causes problems in and out of the bedroom.
Strong communication is essential to a healthy relationship. If you’re not being physically intimate with your partner, ask them why. Express your concerns. Tell them what you want and need, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. It might feel uncomfortable, at first. But, it’s the only way they will open up and show vulnerability, too.
Don’t Place Blame
Maybe you’ve wanted to be physical, but your partner makes excuses every time, or vice versa.
When you’ve decided to have a discussion about your sex life, don’t point fingers, and don’t place all the blame on yourself. Remember, you are partners and you’re on the same team. Even if there’s an underlying issue contributing to your sexless marriage, blaming your partner (or letting them blame you) will only make things worse.
Find Other Ways to Build Intimacy
While intimacy is often associated with sex, there are other ways to build it within your marriage.
Things like holding hands, affectionately touching each other, and scheduling quality time with one another can all boost intimacy. Consider going on date nights, or carving out a special time each day to dedicate to connection and conversation with each other.
Sometimes, intimacy grows by building tension. If you haven’t had sex in a while, try using that to your advantage by being intimate in other ways. It won’t take long before that tension turns into desire.
When you do finally have sex, choose to be emotionally vulnerable. Chances are, your partner will be able to pick up on it if you’re holding back somehow. There’s a difference between getting physical pleasure from sex and truly connecting with each other. Be open and expect your partner to do the same.
Consider Getting Help
Both you and your partner have to put in the effort required to repair your sex life. If one of you isn’t willing or it seems like there’s something else going on beneath the surface, it might be time to seek outside help.
Going to a therapist on your own or seeking help from a marriage counselor is nothing to be ashamed of.
Marriage counseling isn’t a guarantee that everything will work out. However, it can get to the root cause of any underlying issues within your marriage that could be contributing to your lack of a sex life. It can also help you develop skills for greater communication, build intimacy, and so much more.