INFERTILITY OPTIONS AND SUPPORT
Are you struggling with infertility? Do you need to know what your treatment options are? Would you like support for going through the process? It doesn’t have to be a lonely journey by yourself or with just your partner!
What happened to the fun of sex?
You may feel like you’re going crazy! After so many years of trying to uncouple sex from pregnancy to prevent a pregnancy before you were ready, you’re finally at the time of your life where you can have lots of sex without any worries. That part’s been fun, but there hasn’t been a pregnancy. At what point is this considered infertility?
You and your partner may feel responsible in rational and irrational ways:
- I’m a failure as a man if I can’t get my partner pregnant.
- I’m a failure as a woman if I can’t get pregnant.
- I wonder if that abortion I had as a teenager ruined my chances for pregnancy.
- I wonder if my infertility is karma for a past abortion.
- “What’s wrong with ME????”
If you’re not blaming yourself, you may find yourself blaming your partner:
- He must be “shooting blanks.”
- All of that focus on career, and now it’s too late.
- She seems ambivalent about starting a family, and that’s affecting her body.
- “What’s wrong with YOU????”
Are you timing sex so it’s optimal for fertility? Has sex gone from an enjoyable way to connect to a goal-oriented chore? Or something that you dread, because pregnancy isn’t going to happen anyway and sex is just another reminder of your and/or your partner’s failure? Every month there’s the humiliation of the period, and you and your partner vacillate between sadness, hopelessness, anger, blame. It feels like you’re not even in the experience together.
How and whether to talk about infertility
And then there are your friends, your family, your coworkers with all the well-meaning (usually) questions:
- When are you starting a family? You know it’s harder after age 28 for women—said when you’re 34.
- Is there something I should know?
- I can’t wait to hear the patter of little feet….
- If you and Bill get going with things, our kids can be best friends.
- Your mother and I are getting older, and we want to have plenty of time to enjoy your kids while we’re healthy.
It may seem that everywhere you look, there are pregnant women, new moms and dads.You’re surrounded by fertility!
How much do you share? How much do you want to share? How much is your partner comfortable sharing? Do the two of you agree on the amount of sharing, or is this just one more argument?
There’s compassionate, expert help available on the Upper West Side
Your medical team is taking care of the physical things, but what about your emotional reactions? Your partner may feel burdened by trying to be there for you and then unable to be there for him or herself. It’s too much to be the sole support for each other, and the two of you may be in such different places emotionally that it’s hard for you to find the empathy your partner needs.
I’ve been working with couples going through infertility since 1990.
- IUI and variations?
- IVF and variations?
How do you decide what to do? It may feel like so many choices, so little time.
That’s where I come in. I’m knowledgeable about the options and have helped many couples manage the decision-making process, differences in tolerance of the process, the waiting game, the hormonal stew that can be infertility treatment, and negotiating the end of infertility treatment if you’ve run out of options or the emotional and/or financial resources to continue. I’ll help you face the challenges to your relationship through infertility.
You may be a lucky couple whose first infertility treatment results in a baby.
Or you and your partner may have exhausted all your internal and external resources without having a baby.
Maybe you’ll move into the adoption space (and I can help).
Or maybe you’ll decide to make peace with ending the interventions. I’ll work with you to make a satisfying relationship and life, even without the child(ren) you imagined and hoped for.
“My husband and I were 41 and 40 respectively when we decided to start a family. Because I knew I had some physical issues that would make pregnancy a challenge, I knew that we would be doing some form of infertility treatment.
Nancy referred me to a wonderful gynecologist who referred me to an infertility specialist for a full work-up. The specialist determined that surgery would be necessary for IVF to have the best chance for success. Nancy helped with my anxiety through the work-up and surgery.
Then she helped me through the emotional volatility I experienced from the hormones. She reminded me that the hormones just “amp up” what’s already there emotionally and that I can control my reactions and handle myself in a reasonable way—it’ll just take extra vigilance. My pregnancy was dicey and all the way through, Nancy reassured and comforted me and helped me control my tendency to catastrophize. I learned to stop turning to my hysterical mother for the reassurance she had never been able to provide, and to rely on people who were calm and helpful, starting with Nancy!
We were lucky to have a successful outcome, and then Nancy helped me with parenting. And I know Nancy would’ve helped me get through a disappointing outcome, as well, with her warmth, empathy, and problem-solving orientation. If you’re dealing with infertility, Nancy will help you navigate the process, the accompanying emotions, and whatever outcome you have.”
I’ll be there to help you throughout your infertility journey.