Everyone wants to feel satisfied in their relationship. If you feel totally connected and in love with your partner, you’ve hit the jackpot, right?
But, in some cases, it’s important to look at that satisfaction and love under the microscope. What does your relationship really look like? Are you as satisfied as you think, or do your feelings stem from dependency?
If that question shocks or offends you, you’re not alone. It’s not easy to admit dealing with emotional dependency. But, it’s something that affects many people, and those thoughts and feelings come into relationships.
Some people are aware of their dependence levels while others don’t fully understand those feelings.
So, how can you determine whether your feelings about your partner and relationship are true satisfaction or the result of emotional dependency?
Understanding the Signs
To learn more about emotional dependency, you have to know the signs.
The easiest way to determine if you’re dealing with satisfaction or dependency is to think about why you’re with your partner. Do you truly love them, as a person, or do you tend to think about you and your needs first?
An emotionally dependent person believes they need someone else in their lives so they can feel happy. Some of the other common signs include:
- The tendency to idealize people
- Panic when you’re not with your partner
- Making your partner responsible for your happiness
- Trying to mold your partner into who you want them to be
- Feeling as though you can’t live without them
- Jealousy and possessiveness
As a dependent person, the worst thing you can think of is your partner leaving you or feeling abandoned in any way. As you read some of these signs, it’s pretty easy to see there isn’t much satisfaction there. In fact, emotionally dependent relationships can be stressful for everyone involved.
Love Isn’t Fearful
Dependence creates fear. If you live in constant fear your partner will leave, not text you back, or not be the person you need, your dependence on them is taking over. That, unfortunately, isn’t love.
Love is meant to drive out fear, not draw it nearer. But, if you make your partner responsible for your happiness and worth, you’re not giving either of you a chance to experience or express real love. Instead, you’re trying to control them to fit your needs.
Love is also about giving and getting. In an emotionally dependent relationship, there is less “giving” and much more taking. Your sole focus is on your needs and how your partner can fulfill them.
How to Deal With Dependency
Emotional dependency doesn’t make you a selfish or cold person. It’s typically something that stems from childhood or past relationships. If you’ve been through an experience where you didn’t feel valued or loved, it can wreak havoc on your mind.
So, you overcompensate.
In reality, the problem for most dependent people is a lack of love for themselves. When you don’t have a strong sense of self-worth, you’ll look for validation in other people. That includes, especially, romantic partners.
If you’ve recognized some signs of dependence, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s more common than you might think. You can, however, start to make changes in your life and your relationship.
Feel free to contact me to set up an appointment. Together, we’ll uncover the root cause of your dependency. From there, you can learn how to love yourself and see your worth. Those skills will carry over into your relationship, so you can experience true satisfaction. That’s something that both you and your partner deserve if you want your relationship to last.
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