Scheduled sex is a reality for couples dealing with infertility.
You have a certain window within which to get pregnant. You want to make it work. Therefore, you schedule sex by the calendar.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to have sex at that time and day. You both feel like it’s something that you have to do.
In other words, sex becomes a chore. It isn’t fun anymore. It’s stressful. There is an end goal. You might even start to just want to get it over with.
Of course, none of this is very good for intimacy in your relationship. So how can you stick to scheduled sex without getting wrapped up in the chore of it?
Learn the Benefits of Scheduled Sex
Infertility is just one reason that couples have scheduled sex. In fact, research has found that many couples thrive when they schedule sex into their lives.
It gives couples something to look forward to. They can even schedule a fun date around it and really reconnect.
When you’re dealing with infertility, it may feel like that’s all you ever talk about. However, if you can decouple scheduled sex from infertility, then it can be a lot more fun.
In other words, even though you’re putting the date on the calendar for fertility reasons, remember that there are plenty of other reasons people schedule sex, too.
Invest in Foreplay
Scheduled sex is boring if you just show up and do the deed.
However, things don’t have to be this way. In fact, knowing that you’ve both committed to sex at a certain time, you can both invest in foreplay.
This isn’t just about the physical play that happens right before the act either. Romantic talk, flirtation, and gestures can begin hours or even days before scheduled sex. Then, by the time you get into the bedroom, you are thinking about each other more than your someday-baby.
Have Lots of Sex
Are you only having sex when you’re trying to conceive? If so, then it puts a whole lot of pressure on that sexual session.
Instead, have sex every week. Enjoy scheduled as well as unscheduled sex. Incorporate sexual intimacy that isn’t just intercourse.
In other words, make out with your partner. Explore one another. Have fun all month long and that scheduled sex will slide in there comfortably.
Of course, what works for one couple might not work for the next. Some people find that skipping “in between” times makes scheduled sex more exciting. Ultimately, do what’s right for you.
Do Something Different
Sex can get routine even in the best of relationships. You know each other’s likes and how to bring each other to orgasm. Therefore, you do those things and forget the fun.
Try to create something more interesting for scheduled sex.
For example:
- A new location whether that’s a vacation or just a different room in the house.
- Different positions or old favorites that you haven’t tried in a while.
- Dressing up; wear something sexier than the same old pajamas.
- Play music that you don’t normally listen to together.
- Burn candles or incense for new scents in the space.
Adjust Your Frame of Mind
A lot of sex is in our heads. In other words, what we think can drastically affect how we feel about sex. Changing your own frame of mind can go a long way towards making sex more interesting.
Things to consider:
- Practice gratitude for your partner and your sex life.
- What do you really enjoy? Focus on the good things and the small pleasures.
- Avoid saying, “we have to” and start saying, “I’m excited to …”
- Work with affirmations to improve self-image and positivity around sex.
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Of course, scheduled sex is just one of many issues challenging couples who are dealing with infertility. Counseling can help.
If you are experiencing this issue or another challenge altogether, please contact me for help. Also, feel free to visit here to learn more about my approach to infertility counseling.