From a very early age, we’re taught about the “happily ever after” aspect of relationships. Almost every child knows about fairy tales and the happy endings that go along with them. 

But, a kiss can’t bring anyone back to life. 

Riding away in a pumpkin carriage doesn’t ensure a lifetime of bliss. 

You probably aren’t going to meet your significant other while singing a duet in the woods. 

While reading those things makes them seem obvious, it’s not always that easy to separate reality from fantasy when it comes to your actual relationships. 

Everyone wants a “happily ever after”, even without the singing animals. 

Unfortunately, it doesn’t exist. 

So many of us have “bought the lie” we were fed as children, and have a hard time distancing ourselves from those fairytale romances. 

So, how can you accept relationship reality and be content while knowing you won’t find the fairytale, no matter who your partner is? 

You’re Not a Prince or Princess

People are imperfect. 

That includes you. 

Because of that, there simply is no way to have a “happily ever after” without bumps and turns along the way. You’re going to get into arguments with your partner. You’re going to do the wrong thing, and so will they. 

You’re not a prince or princess, and neither is your partner. When you don’t accept someone for who they are, faults and all, the relationship is doomed before it starts.

While people can change and grow, that doesn’t mean you should pressure or force them to fit the mold you want. Doing so can lead to resentment and unhappiness in the relationship. 

Expectations Are Too High

When you aspire to have a fairytale romance, you might actually do more harm than good to your relationship. 

It’s okay to want that “spark” that couples often get when they first start dating. Having “butterflies” in your stomach often feels very real and exciting, no matter how fleeting it might be. 

But, there’s a difference between those intense feelings of love and interest and wanting a picture-perfect romance for the rest of your life. It’s often not attainable, and certainly not sustainable. 

When your expectations are too high, you’re setting yourself and your relationship up for failure. You might treat your partner unfairly because they aren’t able to live up to unrealistic standards. Even if they’re a great person, they might not live up to the storybook ideas you want. So, you could be letting go of something great if you’re not willing to shift your mindset back to reality. 

Happiness Is Within You

Your “happily ever after” mindset might not be attainable in real life. But, it doesn’t mean you can’t find contentment in your relationship. Often, it’s about changing your own mindset and the way you view relationships. 

You can meet wonderful people if you’re willing to adopt realistic expectations and accept people for who they are. 

That starts with accepting yourself and being content with who you are. If you’re looking for a perfect relationship, it could be a sign of low self-esteem or insecurities that you haven’t addressed. You might think that a fairytale romance is what you need to solve your problems. 

Really, you need to get to the root of those problems so you can heal. 

If you’re having a hard time accepting relationship reality, you’re not alone. But, the sooner you can learn to manage your expectations and understand how unhealthy those ideas can be, the better. Feel free to contact me if you’re struggling with that concept. Together, we can change the way you look at relationships so you can develop long, healthy, lasting connections.

Click here for more information on Couples Counseling.