Perhaps no other word strikes dread into the hearts of a pregnant couple than “miscarriage.”
Unfortunately, between 10-25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. These statistics leave many couples grappling with the pain of a miscarriage.
After all, one day, they had been planning on adding a new life to their family. The next day finds those hopes dashed and replaced with grief, confusion, or even anger.
If this has happened to you, you may feel alone and unsure where to turn next. However, both of you can face the pain of a miscarriage together as you get through this agonizing experience. Here’s how.
Acknowledge Your Grief
First, it helps both of you to recognize that you are grieving. You’ve experienced a loss on so many levels. The pregnancy itself holds deep significance. For women carrying a baby, there is both the physical and emotional connection that has been stolen away.
With both partners, there was the expectation that you would be parents and have a family together. Perhaps you have been working on this plan for a while now. Now, you’re forced to shift gears to focus on grieving a loss. Keep in mind too, the stages of grief, which are:
When facing the pain of a miscarriage, it helps to know that grief is well-studied and understood, even if it is incredibly painful.
Know When to Give Space
Sometimes you just need your space. This feeling doesn’t mean that you don’t need your partner. Instead, creating some emotional and physical space for yourself helps process the emotions and grief associated with miscarriage.
Maybe “space” means taking a walk on your own in the morning or during lunch. Use this time to feel those emotions and allow for their release.
Also, carve out opportunities for you and your partner to spend together. For instance, take an evening stroll to process your thoughts together. As with many things in a relationship, it’s crucial to find balance.
Give each other permission to talk about the miscarriage, your emotions, and how you’re doing. Some people—both men and women—tend to keep their feelings bound up inside. Or, they don’t know the right words to say to express what they feel.
To encourage discussion, and give each other permission to talk. Encourage one another to share your feelings. This approach helps to clarify you are each willing to accept and support one another through this challenging time.
You might find yourselves second-guessing yourselves over what happened. Second-guessing often means asking those haunting “what if” questions.
These ponderings only create self-doubt and add to the pain of a miscarriage. The reality is that you followed all of your doctor’s orders to support a pregnancy.
No one likes to say, “these things happen.” But the reality is that they often do. No amount of rationalizing or trying to find a reason for the miscarriage will make things different.
Participate in Miscarriage Counseling
As part of the healing process, it’s beneficial to take part in miscarriage counseling. Participating in therapy allows you both to have a space to talk, process, and grieve with someone who understands the pain of a miscarriage.
Also, talking to a therapist helps you both to feel more understood and less isolated. This positive mindset helps to prevent you from turning to unhealthy means of coping with the miscarriage.
Lastly, with guidance, the pain of a miscarriage can be used to help strengthen your relationship, not weaken it.
Experiencing a miscarriage can shake anyone’s resolve to the core. Even if you are the most positive and optimistic person, it’s a devastating life experience.
Couples can recognize and acknowledge one another’s grief and provide support. However, miscarriage counseling can also help you navigate the intense emotions associated with the pain of a miscarriage.
Please visit my miscarriage counseling page for more information about how I can help. Contact me today if you’d like to schedule a consultation.