Moving on from a breakup is tough work. It can be very emotionally draining.
This time of change also provides us with a rich opportunity for healing and growth.
We may be able to move on with help from our ex. Or, we may have to do the work on our own. Either method can lead to closure.
Mindfully moving on from a breakup teaches us many things. We learn about our feelings, our needs, and our desires.
Putting closure to the past prepares us to find new love. We can enter a new relationship in the right frame of mind.
Moving on From a Breakup Together
Couples counseling isn’t just for staying together. Counseling is also helpful at the end of a relationship to ease the transition. This is an ideal solution for couples who really love each other despite that they just can’t be together.
End-of-relationship couples counseling includes:
- Allowing each partner to express love for the other
- Sharing sadness about the end of the relationship
- Addressing any lingering issues
- Opportunity to get final feelings off our chests
- Acknowledging the good times
- Sharing something good each of us will take away
Endings don’t have to be bitter. Instead, they can be bittersweet. This helps us each move on.
Moving on From a Breakup on Your Own
Unfortunately, it is quite common that our partner won’t attend therapy with us after a breakup. We can still do the work we need to on our own to move on from the relationship in a healthy way.
Individual therapy addresses all of our feelings about the breakup.
For example, we may feel:
- Denial that it is over
- Shame on our behavior
- Anger at our partner, ourselves, and a world that seems built for happy couples
We process all of these feelings, and then we come to a place of acceptance. Moving on from a breakup means that we don’t deny these feelings, but that we work through them.
Acceptance allows us to see the good things about the relationship as well as the bad. We regain confidence in our own ability to enter a new relationship in a healthy way.
Moving on Is a Time of Change
We face big emotional barriers when we move on from a relationship.
Common experiences include:
- Rejection
- Abandonment
- Failure
If you look closely at those things, you’ll see that they aren’t actual feelings, but instead are thoughts about feelings.
We feel fear because we think that we have been abandoned. We feel shame because we think that we have failed. Moving on from a breakup requires addressing the underlying feelings while changing our thoughts.
It helps to think of moving on as simply a time of change. We don’t have to know what is next. We can be both afraid and excited about what is to come.
Loving Our Ex, Loving Ourselves
Moving on from a breakup is best done in love. Love what you can about your ex. Thank them for the role they played in your growth.
Then, turn your focus on loving yourself. What can you do to best take care of yourself as you move forward?
Great examples of self-care after a breakup include:
- Acknowledging and accepting all of your emotions
- Reaching out to your support system for loving kindness
- Doing something you love to do
- Taking time to be with yourself in a loving way
- Keeping a journal of things you love about yourself
Remember all of the things that your partner did for you when you were still in love? Do you also remember all of the things that you did for your partner? Make a list of those things and find a way to do each of them for yourself.
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I enjoy helping couples who are moving on from a breakup, and I can help you move on with love.
To learn more about my approach to helping you move on, visit my couples therapy page. Or, contact me to begin therapy individually or as a couple.