No one is perfect. That’s something we can all probably understand and agree on. But that doesn’t stop some people from becoming perfectionists at work or in their social lives. It also doesn’t stop some people in romantic relationships from trying to be the “perfect” partner.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself and be the best version of yourself in a relationship. That doesn’t mean you need to fake your way through the relationship and it certainly doesn’t mean you need to navigate your partnership without fault.
Of course, if you’ve already decided that you want to be a perfect partner, that desire isn’t always easy to get rid of. So, what can you do to let go of your desire to be perfect partner in your relationship and actually enjoy what’s happening in the present?
Regulating Your Emotions
You might think you need to play it cool all of the time. After all, you wouldn’t want your partner to think you’re argumentative or confrontational. So, you have the desire to be “chill” and go with the flow.
Unfortunately, that isn’t sustainable. Chances are, you don’t really want to play it cool. Rather, you want to learn how to better regulate your emotions. Maybe you feel like you can’t do that unless you try to “bury” everything that might be bothering you, or even your own opinions.
But emotions will always demand to be felt. The longer you push them down in an attempt to be “cool,” the stronger they’ll become.
Embrace Your Faults
Again, no one is perfect. Take the time to recognize that and consider some of your faults. Most of us don’t like to think about the things we don’t necessarily like about ourselves. But your faults are what make you unique. They might even be the things your partner loves most about you.
Take the time to acknowledge and embrace those faults. There might be some things you should work on, but that doesn’t mean you need to change the way you are. When you accept the fact that you aren’t perfect and never will be, you can relax and actually enjoy the relationship.
Be More Mindful
Speaking of enjoying things, try to incorporate more mindfulness activities into your routine. Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the present. It keeps you from worrying about “mistakes” you made a year ago or five minutes ago, and allows you to focus on the here and now, rather than fretting over the future.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and focus on how your body feels right now. Listen to the sounds around you. Take in each sensation, including your surroundings. Thoughts will continue to come, but don’t hold onto them. Let them pass you by so you don’t hang onto fear or worry about being perfect.
Why Is Letting Go Important?
You might not realize it, but when you desire to be a perfect partner, you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself and your relationship. You might be setting unrealistic expectations that could never possibly be met. That will leave you feeling anxious and unsatisfied, and your partner might actually start to feel nervous about it, too.
Of course, if you’ve been trying to be perfect for so long that you can’t imagine doing things any other way, you don’t have to “let go” on your own.
Feel free to contact me soon. Together, we’ll talk about your desire to be a perfect partner and where it might stem from. We’ll also cover effective ways that you can be a good partner without setting unrealistic expectations.