Everyone gets angry—it’s a perfectly normal emotion. Even couples in extremely happy and healthy relationships experience anger. Sometimes, it’s directed toward each other. Sometimes, it’s for something completely different.
Whatever the case, it’s important to maintain strong communication with your partner when you’re angry.
Unfortunately, that’s often easier said than done. It’s not uncommon to lash out, bring up past hurts, and say things you might not necessarily mean when angry.
So, how can you communicate with your partner effectively when you’re angry about something? Let’s cover a few tips.
1. Stay in the Present
Whether you’re angry with your partner or something else that has you on edge, one of the best things you can do is stay focused on what you’re feeling right now.
Being upset about something makes it easy to think about other things bothering you or things that made you angry in the past. That will fuel your current anger further and can make you lash out at your partner even more.
Keep your focus on whatever is bothering you right now. It can help the situation feel less overwhelming and make it easier to calm down.
2. Think Before You Speak
Anger is an intense emotion. It can make you say things without giving your words much thought. It might even cause you to later regret the things you said.
While it’s hard to control that, you should do your best to make it a priority.
When you’re feeling angry, take some time to “cool down” before talking to your partner. The anger might linger, but the fire behind it will usually dissipate quickly.
Let your partner know you need some time before you communicate. This will allow you to collect your thoughts and think more about what you really want to say before letting hurtful words escape you.
3. Consider Your Partner’s Perspective
If your anger is directed at your partner, consider their thoughts, feelings, and perspective before becoming accusatory.
Even if they were in the wrong about something, they might have a different viewpoint, and it’s important to hear them out. Listening to their point of view might make it easier to understand why they did or said something you perceived as wrong.
While it might not remove the hurt or frustration the action caused, it can help your anger feel less overpowering. You’ll be more willing to practice active listening, which is just as crucial to communication as speaking.
4. Remember You’re On the Same Team
When you’re angry about something, it’s easy to feel like the whole world is against you. That includes your partner, even if your anger isn’t directed toward them.
Isolating yourself or assuming your partner won’t understand your feelings is a big mistake. It will make your anger worse and even cause you to assume things that aren’t true.
While you shouldn’t approach your partner until you’re calm and ready to have a healthy conversation, use the right perspective when you do. Remember that you’re on the same team. You want the same things, even if you don’t always see eye-to-eye on how to get there.
Taking this perspective will help you feel like someone is always in your corner, no matter what. It’s crucial to have support when you’re angry, and the best place to get it is from the person you love.
Again, anger impacts everyone. Handling it in healthy, effective ways is essential, but it’s especially important when it comes to communication.
Keep these tips in mind the next time you’re angry and need to effectively communicate with your partner. By approaching communication the right way, your relationship can actually become stronger during times of tension.
Couples counseling can help you work through the issues you are facing and learn to communicate better. Reach out to me if you are ready to take the next steps for a healthier relationship.